🤮 The Email Headfuck

An Overthinker’s Guide to Long Email Responses

I’m not religious.

But receiving long emails that demand an in-depth response is my Hell. 

It’s a big world.

And it’s teeming with verbal vampires, gorging on my emotional energy and overthinking-itis, leaving me completely drained. 

These time-sucking sadistic saboteurs not only ruin my focus but also add insult to injury with their faux platitudes of “hope this email finds you well” and “just wanted to touch base quickly.” 

Right now, I’m staring at 8,415 unopened emails in my inbox. 

( Psst, every 12-18 months the shame gets too much and I mark all my emails as “read” but 🤫)

And yes, the irony of me sending you an email ranting about my hatred for emails is not lost on me… 

Email Anxiety to Anger

When I open an email from the inbox invaders and find essays, my anxiety spikes. 

I’ve stepped into a digital battlefield of words, and there’s no escape. 

I know I’ve just potentially lost hours, of re-reading and rewriting. (I can’t be the only neurodivergent who does this, right?)

My anxiety quickly turns to rage for two reasons. 

1. long emails with multiple questions are futile. A five- or ten-minute Zoom call would clear everything up quickly. 

2. the expectation to respond triggers my pathological demand avoidance.

I get stuck in a grumpy loop of people-pleasing and resentment, wasting my limited reserves of time and energy on emails that could be solved in a five-minute Zoom call.

The Fear Of Being Misunderstood

How many times have you re-read and rewritten emails? 

I do it countless times.

I self-edit, worry about my tone, and overthink everything. 

I fear being misunderstood —we all know how triggering that is, right?

I don’t want to offend anyone, but that’s not the main issue. 

The real problem? 

The pressure to provide crystal-clear answers. 

Otherwise, I’m stuck in a relentless futile game of email tennis with these trigger-happy email assassins!

The Waiting Game

After I finally send the email the overthinking torturous dance of anxiety begins. 

I sit there, staring at my inbox.

I can almost hear the ominous whispers of the Follow-Up Fiends lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce at the slightest hint of ambiguity. 

I find myself praying to the email universe that my carefully crafted message has provided just enough clarity to ward off their relentless need to “circle back.”

Each passing minute feels like an eternity, I replay every word in my mind, wondering if I’ve inadvertently left a gaping hole of confusion that will summon the Follow-Up Fiends to demand clarification. 

Will they re-emerge to invade my inbox?

Or will I be granted the sweet email reprieve? 

The suspense is maddening.

Conclusion

Email is like that one friend who shows up uninvited to your party, drinks all your wine, and then insists on discussing their cat’s dietary preferences for three hours

Emails are a societal norm

They’re good for short instructions and the exchanging of information.

But the world is full of trigger-happy email assassins who seem happy to spend their days playing email tennis!

So I’ve set a boundary.

No more long email responses from me.

It’s 2024, I’ll record a Loom video with my detailed responses and email the video to them. 

Join me in the banishing unnecessary email revolution.

Peace out ✌️